Finally I must admit that there is no better time then the present and no better thing to be then ones true self.
Living presently is much harder then we give it credit for and being ones authentic self is much scarier then I think we like to admit.
Let’s be honest though, the true point in looking to ones past, should be only to reflect and make sure we don’t continue to make the same mistakes, repeating the same cycles, and craving the same unhealthy desires that brought us any sort of discomfort or misery. That is, unless of course you enjoy nostalgia.
The future too, is not certain, which should be pretty obvious at this point by the global pandemic that we are sitting in currently, also, what I have learned of late, tomorrows are not promised.
The “authentic self” or as I like to call it ‘divine self, or true self’ is something I have a very hard time opening up about to anyone. Though most of my demons have been quieted and my shadow work is just about cleaned up and all feels fine in my energetic field, I still feel a certain rawness to who I am. I consider this a vulnerability that feels like an Achilles heel.
Maybe my ‘give a damn’ busted off at some point through the turbulent waters of my recent divorce and personal devastating losses. Maybe the pressure of compounded isolation in the deep woods of upstate New York has cracked some sort of internal shell of underlying truth; in reality we are all finite, as is pleasure and pain, and yet we are eternal, as is love.
I have stopped looking for the ‘whys’ they don’t hold as much relevance for me anymore. Not personally, not in my artwork, my job, nor my relationships or personal journey. I don’t really care ‘why’ so much as I care that it is. I have held myself back for so long, trying to fit into a little bubble that has caged me since my birth, forced upon me with all of it’s rules and confines. What I can and can’t express, expect, be, say, do. A mutilation of my divine sense of autonomy.
I write here with naked heart because I am no longer ashamed of my pure being. I am who I am, and that light will never go out now that it as been lit a blaze.
In addition to the full enjoyment of my life’s creation, my only reason for being put in his body is to share my stories and experiences so that they may serve as your road map. I have weathered storms that many girls and women will face or are currently surviving. My inner child is here to hold hands with your inner child, she is a friendly girl who will love you hard without condition. I am her armor, knight, and protector.
Let us walk, tender footed under the pines, in oneness.